My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
