I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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