I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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