Whod you bang
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
