I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize