Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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