Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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