I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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