He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
