If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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