I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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