I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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