i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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