Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
