i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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