I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
