He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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