somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Duck Duck Cougar?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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