ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think my mom watched the whole time
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
