Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
