I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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