Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
