He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize