he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
