you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want nice things and good sex
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
