i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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