I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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