So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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