I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
