Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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