man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
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I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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