apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
