Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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