I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
