I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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