if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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