I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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