those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
