I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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