I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
