People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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