i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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