dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
