My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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