actually, I'm a sock model
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
