so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
