He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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