he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
