And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What drink are we having for lunch?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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