I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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