Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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