Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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