This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
