Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
