I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
