i barfeds in our rink
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
