Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i think my cat just said my name.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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